Tuesday, June 22, 2010 @ 6/22/2010 10:56:00 PM
it has been .. well.. bothering me for quite awhile. or shall i say. my lifetime.
smthin.. rly.. that i care too much/little about. smthin that i've abandoning all the while ,
something i thought was really immature/weird to do . when acctually its vital.
smthin , which i ... lost. and now need it back...
something everyone have. everyone's born with. some which many may do. its common thing. but however , its not just one thing .
after all this blabbering . ur wondering what it was.
u know smthin ur born with, called a smile .
smthin called a voice.
ya.
these things which i .. hate myself of . why hate it ?
I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO GOD DAM IDEA WHY.
-.-
to be able to take a nice self portrait . to be able to pose nicely.
femminely
is the way people view u as.
thn to be able to talk.
the words that are soft.
not rude . not over singlish , not loud.
to speak.
not only during ahc exams.
but . to everyone.
i think i need to sacrifice my sundays to go to courses.
that well.. example.. modeling.
i want to learn how to smile
how to pose properly.
how to zi lian .
how to be happy of what i have and what im born with.
next i want to attend singing courses.
ya singing.
in no relation to food.
but in much relation to interviews , gatherings , functions.
whats the relation.
to sing , is to control ones voice , ones tone , ones emotion.
to portray it out in a manner in which u desire.
sigh
also .. mabe attend some camps or such.
to break free of my quiet shell
in which i've relocked myself in .
now .. desire to open it.
but. will my quiet nature overcome me ?
filled with thoughts. mabe thus = to unable to concentrate.
DOUSHIRUO!
mabe i shld be an otaku, join cosplay events?
learn about how to portray myself.
learn how to smile sincerely
learn how to take a nice picture of myself that im proud of.
cs.. in reality.. i dont like the pictures i take. cos i think im fugly.
low self esteem ya?
then next. to be able to talk.
yes. open my mouth infront of others.
not just giving a speech
but in normal conversations
to talk . sweetly? myself.
mabe im afraid of what i say might be a bad impression or what not.
or what i say is inappropriate to the topic
or what i say is.. irrelevant .
or what i say is bullshit.
hence. i prefer not to say
in which has led me to this .. disposition .
owell
too much confusion n misery on my mind again
day dreaming more again
sucked up in thoughts again.
its just me.
back to emo - ing agin i guess.
up in facebook 24/7..
back in anime..
wow-ing over super nice amvs
failed at making some.
deleted .
man.. try drawing also fail
try mmv making also fail
try whateva bullshit also fail
ofuggatos
goodnite
